Summers are getting really hot and busy days are lying ahead but what better than jokes can cool ur mind. Get cool jokes on this site everyday.
Afraid that someone will take away your slippers when you leave them outside the place of worship?
Follow the same method as this genius sardar!
THIS IS ENTRY TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
– that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
1 0. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
Practice makes perfect…..
But nobody’s perfect……
So why practice?
If it’s true that we are here to help others,
Then what exactly are the others here for?
Police arrested a drunkard & asked: Where r u going?
Man: I’m going 2 a lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who’ll lecture at midnight?
Man: My wife…
Banta was traveling in an auto rickshaw with his wife. The driver adjusted the mirror.
Banta shouted: You are trying to see my wife!!!! Sit back. I’ll drive..
After robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk : Did you see me robbing?
Clerk : Yes I saw u.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk : Did u?
Second Clerk : No, but my wife saw u!
Meaning of WIFE,
Husband asks:”Do you the meaning of WIFE?
WITHOUT INFORMATION FIGHTING EVERY TIME.”
Wife on hearing this says,”it could also mean ……
WITH IDIOT FOREVER.”
Judge: Don’t U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don’t U have shame?
Teacher : four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence .
Student : WOW !
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta : Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE!
Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!
Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai.
Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!
Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...!
Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life so she placed an ad, which read something like this:
RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE ...NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS:
1) WON'T BEAT ME UP
2) WON'T RUN AWAY
3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail: none seemed to match her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the welcome mat.
Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you? And what do you want?"
"Hi," he said, " your search is over, for I'm the man of your dreams. I've got no arms so I can't beat you up and no legs so I can't run away."
"Well, then," she said, "what makes you think that you're so great in bed?"
To which he replied,..... "Well, I rang the doorbell, didn't I?
A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over.
"No," the man replied.
"You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained.
"But I did slow down!" the guy argued.
The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs."
The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the difference?"
The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down."
A pregnant sardarni carried ISI mark on her stomach..
When asked why?
She replied ISI means:
INTELLIGENT SARDAR INSIDE
Sardar apni saliyon ke liye chudiya le k gaya
SALIYO ne kaha JIJAJI app hi pahna do
SARDAR:Oye Rabba,ye pahle pata hota to chudiya nahi CHADDIYA LATA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Teacher : Santa yeh batao tense kitne tarah ke hote hai?
Santa : Teen maidam.
Teacher : Teeno ke ek-ek example batao.
Santa : Madam, Maine kal aapki beti ko dekha tha. Aaj mein ussey pyar karta hoon aur kal mein
ussey bhaga kar le jaunga.
Zail Singh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv : How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh : Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv : Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh : Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv : OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : so, logically, your are married.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zail Singh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Buta Singh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail : How is your MBA preparation?
Buta : Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail : Oh, logic is easy.
Buta : Please, give me an example.
Zail : Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta : NO, I don’t.
Zail : Saala HOMO!!!
of HARVARD UNIVERSITY
AND SARDAR OF PUNJAB UNIVERSITY............
WHAT IS THE FASTEST THING in the world?
TEXAS-Blink of an eye
SARDAR OF PUNJAB__"LOOSE MOTION!!!!!!!!!!"BECAUSE last night I was lying
on my bed & before I Could "blink","Think"or even "turn on the Light"
,,IT WAS ALL OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Abey saale Get me a coffee quickly!" The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension!" Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" "No", replied the trainee "It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The Sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?" "No.", replied the Managing Director. "Good!", replied the Sardarji and put down the phone!
Banta Singh was shifting his residence. He was packing his belongings. By midnight he was too tired and dozed off with the house door open. A sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables. Banta Singh found it very amusing, the thief was doing the job for him! "When this smart guy finishes packing, I will catch him". Banta was a hefty guy, so when the burglar finished packing, Banta Singh jumped on him and tied him up. Then he went to the police station and reported the matter. "What did you do to the thief"? "I tied his hands; you come and collect him". "I hope you tied his legs too". Banta Singh felt a cold feeling in his spine; he had forgotten about the legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered up and said, "Inspector Sab, the thief, he will still be there". "How do you know"? "Well, that fellow is also a Sardar".
Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts. One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun." "But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt." And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."
A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep. The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American. "Okay," says the American, "your turn". He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500. The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse, hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep.
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off. Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs blast off now". Gani Singh says "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"
Santa: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it's already raining.
Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
Officer Santa: Madam swimming is restricted in this lake.
Lady: why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer Santa: That is not restricted.
Santa tells his dad, “Pappaji there is this kid in school who calls me gay”
Santa’s Dad:” Oye beta then punch him!!!”
Santa: “ No papa he is sooooooo cute!!!”
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.
Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.
SARDAR PIKAR AYA BIWI KI DANT SE BACHNE KE LIYE BADI SI KITAB
Padne laga,Wife-Aaj fir pikar aa gaye
BIWI- TO suitcase khol kar kya bak bak kar rahe ho!!
After returning from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife - Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me “are you a foreigner?”
Manager asked sardar at an interview.
-Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replied: P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
Lecturer: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti
So Sardar writes - Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanti.
Sardar attending an interview.
Manager: Do you know MS Office?
Sardar: If you give me the address I will go there sir.
Two sardars go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener.
The first sardar turns to the second and says, "You'v gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."
"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."
"I promise I won't," says the other sardar. "Just hurry!"
Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second sardar.
Exasperated and starving, the first
sardar digs into the sandwiches.
Suddenly, the second sardar pops out from behind a rock and yells, "THATS IT!!! I knew it....now I'm not going!"
Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the third floor, and it has caught fire, so how will you escape?
Sardar: Its simple. I will stop my imagination!
Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre: Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status.
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
SantaSingh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks
Santa singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.
Dear Mr. Singh-----pyare singh sahab
You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."
Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"
Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!"
Santa and Banta are two friends and Santa Singh has a very good job.
Banta Singh is jobless and one day asks Santa to help him get some good Job.
Santa singh says, “OK, next time we will apply together.” and they do.
On interview day, Santa singh says, “First I will go inside and answer all questions except the last one, and after coming out, I will give you all the answers and questions. Then you go in and answer everything and You will get the Job.”
So, Santa goes in.
EMPLOYER: When did we get independence?
SANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our PM?
SANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: OK. What’s India’s population?
SANTA: (He was not to reply the last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell
Now he comes out and tells the questions and answers to Banta Singh.
Banta Singh (True SARDAR that he is) remembers all answers and forgets the questions. He goes in now.
EMPLOYER: When were you born?
BANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: What? Who is your father?
BANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER (Now quite upset): Are you mad Mr. Banta?
BANTA: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you Sir
.Sardar:Aaj ghar jate hi biwi ki panty utarunga.
Dost:WAH!! Aaj to mood me ho
Sardar:Mood ki aise ki taise.Bahut tight hai, subah galti se pehen li thi.
Ek raat bijli chali gayi, Sardar: oye kam se kam fan to chalao.
Sardani: kar di na sardaron wali baat fan on karenge to candle bujh jayegi.
While having a brain check up…
Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Sardar : Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?
Sardar : Yes of course, do you think I’m dumb?
Doctor : Then why are you so happy?
Sardar : Because that proves that I have a brain!
A bus fell into lake, everyone swimmed across to save their lives. Suddenly Sardar jumps in searches for someone, when asked whom he seaching for.
Sardar said, “Sala conductor ne change nahi diya tha.”
SANTA KE GHAR PE MEHMAAN AAYE HUE THE.
SANTA:thanda piyoge ya garam
Santa:rooh afza ya Pepsi
Santa:Bottle me ya glass me
Santa:simple galss me ya design wale
Santa:Line wale ya flower wale
Santa:chameli ya rose k flower wale
Santa:RED rose k ya PINK ROSE K
Santa:SORRY AISA GLASS HAMAREPASS HAI HI NAHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station.
He asks one man, “When will Rajdhani Express go from here”?
Man Replies, 12.30.
“When will Punjab Express go from here”?
Man Replies, 10.30.
“When will Deccan Queen go from here”?
Man Replies, 12.30.
Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.
Sardar replies, “NO. I only want to cross the tracks
A Sardar was drawing money from ATM, Sardar behind him in the line said, “Ha! Ha! Haaa! I’ve seen your password.”
Its 4 asterisks (****).
The first Sardar replies, Ha! Ha! Haaa! You are wrong, Its “1258″.
Banta comes to Australia and goes to Woolworths’s (Ubiquitious grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids.
He asks Santa to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Banta goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week Banta finds at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids.
He asks Santa to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Banta goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week Banta comes to Woolworth’s with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Banta: “What the….! This is shit you…!” and Banta calmly replies: “Yes, and I want toilet paper”.
Boss: Where were you born ?
Sardarji: Oye Punjab.
Boss: Which part?
Sardarji: Oye, Kya which part? Whole body born in Punjab.
A man received an invitation, to a party
which said “Black Tie Only”!!
When he went to the party he was surprised to
find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts
as well !!!!
Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”.
Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”.
Sardar says - “Baljith Singh Married”
Once three sardars decided to go on a picnic.
When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
So, the youngest sardar said he would go home and get the soda if the others promised not to eat the sandwiches until he got back.
An hour, a couple of hours, then all day went by.
Both sardars were now very hungry.
Finally one of the sardars said: “Oh, come on, he is not going to be back. Let’s eat the sandwiches.”
Suddenly, the youngest sardar popped up from behind a rock and said: “If you do, I wont go.”
Sardar to wife: rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere age kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi,
Wife: Kaun si movie thi?
Sardar: Apni shadi ki
Ek Sasur apne Damad Santa ko maar raha tha .Kisi ne poocha kyun maar rahe ho?Sasur: Ise iski biwi ka sms aaya tha:AAP Baap banne wale ho, isne apne sare doston ko forward kar diya.
Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha:
Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka hai?
Sardarni: Sartaj, sirf yehi aapka hai.
EK SARDAR RASTE PAR Susu KAR RAHA THA, ek angrez aaya or bola:Tumhare yaha police nahi pakadti.SARDAR:NAHI, hamare Yaha hame hi pakadna padta hai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,
Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.
Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar maine accha kaam kya, jiss par logon ne mujhe bohat mara!
Banta: Woh kya..
Santa: Ek makan mein aag lagi thi, aur andar kuch log thay, maine window tori aur andar ja kar sab logon ko bahar nikal diya.
Banta: Toh logon ne kyun mara
Santa: Yaar, kyun ke woh sab log fire fighter thay!
In a party,a lady is unable to find toilet.So she asks a SARDAR,"susu Karne Ki Jagah Dikhao."SARDAR smiles and replies,"U NAUGHTY,pehle TUM DIKHAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TEACHER:"RAMU ladkiyan nahi chedta."IS sentence me ramu kya hai?
Mohit:MADAM Ramu 'GAY' hai.
Girlfriend's message:agar tum so rahe ho to mujhe sapne bhejo, agr jag rahe ho to yadein bhejo or ro rahe ho to aansu bhejo................Boyfriend replies:toilet mein hu kya bheju?
A generation from 2050:
Teacher:who was Mahatma Gandhi?
Student-he was the greatest shirtless hero who helped the munna bhai to impress his girlfriend.
Mother:Karwa aai na boyfriend ke sath muh kala
Daughter:To kya hua maa fair and lovely hai na!!!!
LAUGH OUT ALOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey Friends!!!Wats up?I have been waiting for ur response about this site.Today was an enjoyable and pleasant day for me.I would love to have ur have your comments.
Just remember to stay cool and life would be wonderful.